Blogging the way to existential disrepair: Part two!

I think about this picture on the regular.
Photo courtesy of Mike Licht/Flickr

By Emerald O'Brien

Around this time last year, I dutifully shared my tips for successful blogging, tips which I learned through several disastrous years of blogging experiences.

A year later, I am finally through with my days of required academic blogging.

So, what have I learned on the other side? Pretty much nothing, but check out the amended version of my old blog for a few extra nuggets. New additions are in italics and a sassy but gracefully matured voice.  

1. Pick a topic you are passionate about. 

            When it comes down to it, if you aren't blogging about something you love, you won't want to keep up with it. And if you are being forced to blog, you will eventually learn to hate the things you used to love, helping to achieve my personal goal of eradicating all happiness from the world.
For example, much like this blog post, my blog usually centered around my passion for whining. Don't do that. It's mine.

2. Stick to a schedule.

             Your theoretical readers will expect your blog to be updated regularly, and if they can expect posts at a certain frequency, you'll have more success in drawing an audience to force your content on. This supposed audience will be way more receptive to forgiving about your updates about how burning your paella is going if they know exactly how often to tune into your bad cooking blog. Or what times to steer totally clear of it. Either way, audience engagement.

3. Create a workflow

             Know your writing style. Do you need a few hours to write? A week? So much time that it's not plausible for you to be maintaining a blog? Allot yourself an appropriate amount of time and give yourself breaks. For example, I have to give myself time to change my blog topic at least three times, rewrite my bad jokes over and over until they are even more obscure and mangled than at the beginning, and have at least one complete mental and emotional breakdown.

Take a look at this sample timeline to get an idea of how you could structure your writing time: 

10 am: Sat down to write this blog. Buckle up, everyone.

10:15: Sent unrelated email

10:20: Google search: "journalism news"

10:24: Google search: "journalism blog topics"

10:27: Google search: "how to write a blog"

10:30: Moving to an area with more people to make them give me an idea for a blog

10:35: Discussing headline titles like "Why your last article sucked" and "This girl tried to write a blog about journalism. You won't believe what happens next!"

10:37: Have a title. Going to write a blog about how hard it is to write a blog 

10:45: Got in an argument about I vs. me and the oxford comma 

10:50: Ate 6 strawberries

10:56: Editor asks how the blog is coming. Response: "Bad."

10:58: What is this blog even about? Why am I writing this? Who cares?

11:00: General existential crisis mode

11:02: My hands smell like rubber. Why do my hands smell like rubber?

11:11: My wish is that this blog was over with. 

11:17: This timeline doesn't progress unless I blog, but the blog is the timeline, so I must write the timeline to do the blog which progresses the timeline. 

11:21: I am a pathetic excuse for a journalist. I can't even write a blog post. I am just a pile of filth shaped like a human. I have no talents or motivation. I will die alone shoveling Nutella straight out of the jar and into my mouth with my filth-person hands.

11:29: Do I smell? Or is it something else? Has my body begun to decay in the process of slamming my hands on this keyboard until something of substance comes out? God save us all. Tell my mother I love her.

11:30: Scrapping everything and writing a review of the new Apple Wristwatch Mind Control Devices. Screw it. 

4. Edit your blog.

        Do'nt let ur blog post see the lite of day with/out looking over it carefally. Maybe have an editor look at it, but probably just trust youre instinks. You don't need no editor telling you what to do.
New suggestion: just write your blog in the persona of someone who isn't a very good writer, which eliminates the need for any extra effort that you could be using to ignore your other responsibilities.

5. Don't forget to post your blog. 

        The key, in fact, to having a blog is that it actually goes online. Although if you don't post it, you could be sparing the world your mundane daily musings that physically pain people to read. Think about it. Still valid. I should charge a fee for great advice. 

Now go forth and do great blogging! I might have faith in you! Eh.